Motorcycle Riding Turtle

Ever had one of those days when your reality was more bizarre than your dream? It's barely 8 o'clock on a Saturday morning, and already, I'm thinking this is going to be one of those days....

Rain or shine, workday or weekend, Bandit gets me up between 4 and 6 am, for his morning potty break. This morning our cardinal family was foraging on the ground reminding me that I keep saying I'm going to get a bird feeder. They left soon after Bandit appeared, so I decided to see if Bandit would like to play a little "almost fetch." He went after the ball one time and lost interest. He was also shivering so I gave the go inside command and he took off lickety-split. Only he didn't make it inside.

I was making a fashion statement in my obscenely thin gauze gown, fluffy purple house slippers, complete with silver hoop earrings I never took off yesterday, and my lovely keep-your-hair-from-tangling-while you-sleep-ponytail (sans the usual curler). That statement was: this is my going-back-to-bed-after-the-dog-pees-outfit, not my walking-the-neighborhood- calling-the-dog-outfit.

So I grabbed my keys, wallet, and iPhone and drove around the block with the SUV windows down, shivering because I was letting in the cool morning breeze, while calling for Bandit in a soft-enough-not-to-wake-the-neighbors-but-loud-enough-for-ALL-the nieghborhood-dogs-to-hear-and-return-the-greeting-voice.

I found Bandit peeing on the curb in front of the new house the crazy-neighbors-who-moved-around-the-corner are now living in. (Yes, the crazy neighbors who used to live next door didn't move very far. For a long time I didn't see them except on their walks around the neighborhood, so I knew they were still close by. Then I saw their sweet dog, Cody in the front yard of a house that I can see from the top of my stairs. I finally confirmed it last month when I drove around taking photos of all the snowmen built the day it snowed, and I saw the crazy neighbor ranting on his cell phone in the front yard.)

After Bandit peed on the curb, he decided he could still smell Cody on the weed next to it and anointed that as well. Once he had obliterated Cody's smell, and left his calling card to his satisfaction, he hopped in the SUV with me--but not until.

I was woefully low on Diet Dr Pepper, so we took the scenic route to a fast food place that shall remain nameless (who BTW were washing down the dumpster giving off a odoriferous sewer scent--I almost lost it when I rolled down the window to place my order). The scenic route also included checking downtown to see if it was Market Day (I knew it wasn't--it's the 3rd Saturday, but they have been off schedule due to the the winter months and the downtown road deconstruction--so I checked just to make sure). After I picked up my drink I decided to go to the dam to see the lake, and swing by my bank for my weekly allowance.

On the way back from the lake, I saw a turtle riding a motorcycle. I swear. This guy in ALL green, wore a squat black hat or helmet that sat right on his shoulders. He had no neck. He looked just like a turtle. About the time I refocused on the road ahead, I almost hit a badly limping deer, who was crossing the street to get from one subdivision to the next.

During all this confusion, I did spot a pretty little Bluebonnet stand with a nice tree back drop--had I picked up my purse, which houses my camera, I would have trotted Bandit over and obtained the obligatory yearly Bluebonnet photos--yes, I would have done it in my gauze gown, fuzzy purple house slippers, and earrings. Who was gonna see me? The motorcycle ridding turtle and the limping deer were far behind me.

Sitting here typing this, I just now realized I could have taken the photo with my iPhone.

Yep, it's gonna be one of those days. I'm going back to bed until I wake up--or at least dream a bizarre dream.