Elder First-Time Parents: Not for the Timid or Shy

I saw a news story yesterday morning that got me thinking. The story was about a sixty-six year old new Mom of triplets via IVF, and it made me wonder how old the oldest "natural" Mom was. Answer: 59.  I'm only fifty and the thought of becoming a Mom at this stage in my life is a chilling one—so much so that my brain froze and I can't even comprehend being 9-16  years older and giving birth—I even have a hard time thinking about house-training a second Chinese Crested to keep Bandit company. Besides, I don't think I could handle a single child going through the terrible two's when I'm 61—let alone triplet terrible twos when I'm 68!

I shudder to think about being 64 or 79 years old at the start of the  trying years (teenage rebellion years)—when even my most favorite teens turn into aliens for six or seven years. During that time-frame, I haven't a clue as to what, or how—or even if they are thinking! Could I survive a teen with a learners permit when I’m 74 (or three of them when I’m 81)? Better yet, would they survive me?  Would we stay out of jail? Or the insane asylum...

And what about graduations: would I be able to stay awake for HS graduation when I’m 77 (I barely stayed awake for my own when I was a mere 17). With triplet HS grads, would I be able to rise to take pictures three times at 84, or would they gang up on the principal so I could take just one photo? What about the same scenario for College graduations at 81 and 88?

Then of course there are Weddings at 82 and 89, and Grandchildren at 85 and 92...

(Ages and sequence of events are arbitrary.)

I’m not sure I’m old enough to find out...or bold enough. Of course, that will never stop me from giving child-rearing advise—or cherishing the grimy hugs, sloppy-wet kisses, and original art work that I receive from my young friends—those are the easy, fun things—the things at which I excel!  Since it is highly unlikely that my brag books will become humanized any time soon,  you will have to content yourselves with my Bandit Brag Books...I know you can't get enough of them!  :~)