I'm madder than a tightly-wound, nail-spitting, wet-hen, in a hornets nest!

After an extremely stressful day at work, I finally remembered a co-workers recent rave review of an expensive bra she had purchased at the mall, and I decided to stop and check the bras out. I found a style and color I liked, and it fit really well, so I bought it--at twice the cost of the most expensive bra I've ever purchased--and almost three times the cost of my average bra. In the process of purchasing this golden bra, I also signed up for the stores mid-March "Bra Event." Signing up consisted of  supplying the saleslady with my contact information: telephone numbers, snail mail and email addresses, and my name. Since I rarely go to the mall, I thought while I was there I would check out the costume jewelry, hats, and scarves--I'm in the process of looking for the elements of my costume for a Murder Mystery party I'll be attending in the near future.

While browsing, I realized a cop was standing in the ladies accessories section--and he was "watching" me! I have never stolen anything in my life--well okay, I did steal that small brown paper bag that Mama wouldn't-buy-anything-from-the-grocery-store-to-go-inside-it-so-I-could-take-it-home-honestly--but when Mama "discovered" the empty bag under my shirt in the parking lot, she whipped my 5 year-old butt and marched me right back inside to confess my sin to the store manager. Object Lesson learned!!! I never again even thought about taking anything that was not my own. In fact, I buy and use my own office supplies to ensure I don't mistakenly take home a facility pen or paperclip.

My Mama also worked in store security, and she drilled the following into my psyche: never wear bulky or loose fitting clothing when shopping; take off all jewelry prior to playing at a store's jewelry counter; and carry only the essentials when shopping (which means: only your wallet, keys, and phone--leave the purse , heavy/multi-pocketed jackets or coats, as well as any  tote bags etc. in the car).  I  still abide by those guidelines. Additionally, when I do carry a shopping bag, it goes in one hand and any unpaid merchandise I touch or pick up is only touched by my free hand. If an object requires both hands, I place the shopping bag on the counter and step away from the counter/bag before I use both hands on the stores unpaid merchandise. If I am trying on earrings, I hold only one of the pair up to my earlobe rather than actually try it on (I don't want someone else' "ear goo" in my ear--besides,  I'm scatter-brained and I fear becoming distracted and walking out the door with one of their earrings still hanging off my ear).  In short, I give store personnel and security absolutely no reason to ever suspect me. Therefore, when I realized the cop was "watching" me I got really pissed off.

In fact, I was so pissed off, when the bra saleswoman tracked me down--at the jewelry counter three sections away from the lingerie department--to "see if she had given me the flier for the upcoming bra event," I not only opened my bag to show her the flier and the receipt, I seriously considered taking the bra out of the bag, and shaking it with a flourish in the cops face, before placing it on the jewelry counter in his full sight--or better yet--I should have enlisted his assistance in holding the darn thing for me!

However, much as it pained me, I decided to play nice. I smiled and pretended I had no clue that I was being watched, then continued to saunter around the store browsing all sorts of stuff I had no intention of purchasing, and even though I didn't have time or the desire to go mall shopping, I entered the mall to do just that (I was shocked to learn that the Hallmark/Gift store that used to be two stores away is no longer there!). Then, rather than going to the parking lot from another exit point, I walked back to the offending store, and once again sauntered through it fingering all manner of merchandise I had absolutely no interest in, before exiting the store to my car--still fuming.

First, and foremost, I do not steal.
Second, do you really think I'm stupid enough to give store personnel my contact information, set-up a future purchase,  and purchase merchandise today with my credit card (which confirms at least the name I gave the salesperson)--prior to  stealing something from the same store?!  

Hey "Mall Cop," I'm neither dishonest nor stupid--but I am still angry...I think I've cooled down considerably, because I'm no longer tightly wound--correction--I'm no longer as tightly wound.