I'm a Cheat

According to Forbes online contributor, Jeff Bercovici, I'm a cheat.

I probably need to back up and explain—I don't really know Jeff, or anyone else at Forbes—at least not personally. And  Jeff hasn’t specifically called me  a cheat. However, I know from what he’s posted, he does not think I play fair. I've started doing something I said I'd never do:  playing online games with strangers.  Actually, one particular online game:  Words With Friends.  So far, the computer has matched me up with four different opponents. I admit I’m competitive, and I will do just about anything within reason to win, but I don’t knowingly break rules; therefore, I maintain that I do not cheat.  Apparently, even though I don't break any rules, Jeff thinks the way I play is wrong.  He’s not the only one that doesn’t like the way I play.

Web Comic, Penny Arcade, has indicated my WWF play is the Brute Force Method.   Evidentially, she too feels my play is less than honorable. I admit I am pretty forceful—but a brute?  Really?! I don’t think so.  When I think of a brute, I immediately think of the role Andre the Giant played in the cult classic, The Princess Bride.  His character, Fezzik, is a tender hearted giant of a man, but because of his size, Fezzik is made to perform menial tasks requiring brute strength. When his employer Vizzini dies, Fezzik is forced to go to work for the government and in stereotypical ever-so-ordinary-inside-the-box government thinking, he is placed on The Brute Squad.  Many of the gags in TPB are stereotypical; however, they work because of an infusion of  dry wit and bright comedic humor. Like Fezzik  I'm really just a big ole’ softie at heart.  Those that peel away my gruff exterior find a tender, sensitive sweetheart—until we sit down to a game—then I play cut throat. Unless it’s a partner game, my motto is every man, woman, or child for their self.  

Back to the haters:  In addition to Jeff and Penny,  humorist John Hodgman shares the same low opinion of my way of word play.  John  says people who "spam the engine"—that would be the Search Engine—play deplorably.  Although he does not make this comment as a compliment, I rather like the image it brings to mind.  In fact, Spamming the Engine gives me great pleasure. Almost as much pleasure as when I force GPS Girl to frantically call out  "Recalculating! Recalculating!" in an ever increasing high pitched tone which culminates in a sigh of resignation just prior to telling me when I’ve finished and have returned to the route she has highlighted for me, she will speak to me again. Okay, so maybe she doesn’t say those exact words, but her meaning clearly is that of:   I’m through with you until you come around to my way of thinking.  I take wrong turns just so I can hear her desperately scramble to make me come in line with her directions. When she realizes she has failed and she sighs, my laughter is maniacal.  I am perversely pleased to confound, flabbergast, and otherwise discombobulate the very same technology that all too frequently confounds, flabbergasts, and discombobulates me.  I enjoy being the frustrater ever so much more than being the frustrated.

But not everyone takes an adverse position on the way I play. The Bettner brothers, WWF creators Paul and David, say my style of play is Plugging. I would agree. The Brothers Bettner also feel Plugging is a perfectly acceptable way to play. I would agree again.  When they built the game, they purposefully did not make Plugging  illegal. In fact, they think Plugging is a great strategy. They are obviously highly intelligent, and I like the way they think and developed this game.   Interestingly, one brothers plugs and the other brother does not.  As with every great life dilemma, it all boils down to personal choice.

Cheating, Brute Forcing, Spamming the Engine, or the perfectly legal strategy of Plugging—whatever you call it, within the confines of  Words With Friends,  it is the act of submitting random combinations of letters, without penalty,  until an acceptable word presents itself.  It’s legal. So I’m not a cheat. Or a Brute. I just Spam technology, albeit forcefully.

Another word of clarification:  While it is true I am playing four online strangers, none of them are the people listed above—each of the previous comments and beliefs attributed to people other than myself were taken from an online Forbes article written by Jeff Bercovici. None of the negative comments were in any way directed to me personally.  

I’m not sure how my actual computer-assigned opponents feel about the way I win—well, mostly win. I have easily defeated two opponents every game we’ve played. The third opponent is on a different schedule than I am on, so there are hours of down time between each play. It’s excruciatingly slower than molasses. I won the first game but they have just pulled ahead of me in the second game. I’ll let you know the outcome when this particular board is completed—probably sometime next month. The final opponent blows me out of the water every single game. He doubles and triples my score.  Every. Single. Play.  This losing thing is a new sensation to me and I’m not liking it. However, I do love a challenge, so I hope I’m not too boring a player for him.  I really want to continue playing him.  At least until I win.  Or don’t lose by a trillion points.  He’s by far my favorite opponent.

BTW, my favorite brother?  Dave, The Plugger.

(Update:  After posting this, I dove into a losing tailspin.  I am now losing in three of the four games, and my lead in the fourth is by a cats whisker.)